50 shades of drollery

15.01.2015

Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other

The history of cinema includes plenty of actors who hated each other off-screen, but somehow managed to have amazing chemistry on film (see Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes, and Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling for examples). Fifty Shades of Grey's Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson will not be joining this storied tradition.

Whether or not Dornan and Johnson hate each other is debatable, but based on their constant "get the fuck away from me" posture while in each other's company, it really appears like they do. What is one hundred percent sure, however, is that their on-screen chemistry is equal to the chemistry of a couple of unboiled hot dogs. Without the unboiled hot dogs' inherent sexiness.

Here is the evidence:

Exhibit A.

Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other

They hate each other.

Exhibit B.

Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other

Nothing but hatred.

Exhibit C.

 

Nothing says "sexy fun" quite like standing as far away from each other as possible while still holding hands.

Exhibit D.

 

Pretty sure they were just photoshopped together in this one.

Exhibit E.

Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other23456

Actually, this one's kind of cute.

(Correction: That is Gillian Anderson, not Dakota Johnson.)

Exhibit F.


 

"I will be fine if I never have to look at you."

Exhibit G.

Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other

Jamie Dornan: "Okay, well, goodnight."

Dakota Johnson: "Goodnight."

Jamie Dornan: Leans in for kiss.

Dakota Johnson: Leans away from kiss.

Jamie Dornan: "Okay, well, bye."

Dakota Johnson: "Yeah, bye."

Exhibit H.

Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other

Hates himself.

Exhibit I.

Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other


Hate each other.

Exhibit J.

Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other

Hates him.

Exhibit K.

Double Crap: Fifty Shades of Grey Stars Can't Fucking Stand Each Other7

Again: All photoshop, the two have never even been in the same room.

Exhibit L.

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